Ten years ago today I lost my best friend. I lost my mom.. Her illness, pancreatic cancer, took it’s final toll at 4:20 pm in the afternoon. It was a rainy Friday afternoon in August. I wanted to post in remembrance of my mom but I can’t find many words.. The truth is, although 10 years may seem like a lot to some, for myself, it seems like yesterday. My pain is still so deep seeded. My soul still hurts and cries out, which is why I titled this post what I did. I have shed many tears today and throughout the years but, more as the years go on.
I am not one to white wash things or say things just to make people feel better. I am always honest and the cold hard truth is, for me, the loss of my mom has not gotten better. It just gets harder with each passing year. My mom and I had a relationship that some, can only dream about having with their moms. She was my closest friend, my supporter, my confidant, my strength. She gave me all these things and more when I didn’t think I could dig any deeper.. When my illness progressed, she was my champion. Always giving me hope and reason to look to tomorrow. When things got really bad, she helped me make sense of all that was happening with and around me and, when I couldn’t make sense of it, she made that OK too.
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring or next week but, the one thing I do know is that I miss my mom. I love her and with everything I am, I wish I could have even five more minutes with her.