This morning I went for an Upper Endoscopy to see if it can be figured out why in 9 years the ability to swallow solid food is slowly becoming non existent for me. Please forgive me if this post is somewhat scattered as my brain is still feeling a bit scattered..
The day started with a 45 minute drive to the hospital.. Was I nervous? Not so much on the way there but after we arrived, the tears began to flow.. can’t help it.. I’m 41 years old and ever since I can remember, I’ve always cried when I am afraid.. Some things never change..
After I got my ugly barcode and allergy bracelets, then the IV was put in and I was hooked up to a bag of Saline.. I asked the nurses to please be sure the saline dripped in slowly because if it goes to fast my body reacts with body jerking, teeth chattering and I end up feeling like I’m in a deep freeze.. They assured me that it was going in slowly.. as I lay there, MR L had an appointment with his back surgeon who was in the building next to where I was so I told him to go..One of the anesthesiologists came in and explained everything to me in detail of what would take place.
After laying there alone about 30 mins I suddenly felt strange. I didn’t feel good.. I suddenly felt weak, nauseous and as if my skin were on fire from the inside out.. I rang the buzzer for the nurse and three of them came in.. They all assured me that I was getting nothing else in my IV except Saline at that point and they had no idea why I felt the way I did other than it being anxiety.. What could I say? This feeling passed in about five minutes.
Finally they wheeled me into the procedure room.. A few new nurses came in, introduced themselves and explained to me what would happen next.. After they left, I was laying there already feeling strung out from being so tired and once again, I started to feel like my skin was on fire from the inside out.. Once again I told one of the nurses and, once again she said it had to be anxiety..I guess it was..
Once everyone was assembled in the room, I can’t lie.. I was a nervous wreck. They stuck this thing in my mouth and told me to hold it with my teeth and relax my tongue.. Yeah, this was NOT happening..Shockingly, the next thing I felt was air being blown down into my throat and it felt like it was choking me.. I couldn’t swallow and I needed too.. I felt my heart start pounding so fast and hard because I was suddenly feeling very hot.. the last things I remember saying was, ” O my gosh I feel so hot” to which the nurse said “it’s OK, thats normal is the start of the Propafol” and the last thing I said was “my heart” and I heard both the doctor and the nurse reply” It’s OK, you’re doing fine”…..and then….. NOTHING… I remember nothing.. Thats the part I hate, that terrifies me.. There’s just nothing.
I don’t know how long anything lasted because the next thing I knew someone was saying my name and I was telling them how grateful I was to the nurses for being so kind..I barely remember that.. I guess I finally really started coming too a few moments later, I saw Mr L sitting in a chair watching me and I was feeling super nauseous. When I told the nurses this they all kept insisting I had been given Zofran ( anti nausea drug) and, “Propafol’ doesn’t usually make people feel like that..So here’s my question.. If Propafol as the nurses say, doesn’t make people feel that way then, why the need for an anti nausea drug?…Yeah, I don’t get it either.. but what medical professionals don’t get, no matter how many times I explain it is, I’ve been sick for almost 20 years.. Sadly, a lot of things that aren’t supposed to happen, a lot of times? Happen to me..
I guess the nausea passed in about 30 minutes and while my head was clearing up I was far from steady… The doctor came in about an hour later and I know he said some stuff but I don’t remember it all.. I have to say, I’m really not liking this doctor.. When I originally saw him, he seemed a bit “rushed”…I attributed this to ‘maybe he was just having a very busy day”… but today after my proceedure, once again, which I am still a bit angry about he was ‘rushed’… He was walking out the door as I was getting a question out and I didn’t even get to ask him anything besides one question about the nausea.. No, I’m not happy about this..
Anyhow, what I remember him saying was, he didn’t see anything horrible, a few small erosion’s for what seemed to be from use of things like Tylenol etc… He also said he ‘thinks’ there may be some kind of artery? coming off my aortic arch which is pinching my esophagus thus causing all my issue’s. I asked him do I need a cardiologist, he said he doesn’t think so but he’s not sure yet.. He said I may need a small surgery ( SMALL surgery!?!?!?) but he wants a barium swallow to follow this up to make sure that is the issue..
Honestly, none of this makes sense. When I had a scope done 7 years ago that doctor said I had massive inflammation along with a small sliding hiatle hernia.. This guy says nothing about these things? It doesn’t make sense considering I am still in the same pain I was 7 years ago and my ability to not swallow most solid foods is still not there….His explanation makes no sense to me but I will ask my MD what he thinks..
Now for what I think.. I’ve been sick with Lyme Disease and two other tick infections I had the unfortunate luck to receive back in the early 1990’s..I have never been able to be healthy since despite all kinds of treatment. I also have not had anything in the way of treatment since moving to the South 9 years ago.. Every doctor I see here, puts me through all kinds of torture tests only to tell me, “well, I’m really not sure whats happening”.. I seriously need to move back North where the doctors are knowledgeable in long standing Lyme Disease and other tick born infections but financially, without some kind of miracle it’s not going to happen…My present issue’s are all stemming back to what they always do.. My underlying infections.
About 2 hours later all I wanted to do was go home.. I’d had enough..
So all this worry, all this, what I consider, medical torture to tell me “he’s not sure”..
It’s now after 4 pm, I have not been able to sleep and my throat feels like it’s on fire and with each swallow it’s as if I am swallowing nails that have been lit on fire.. I haven’t had anything to eat since last night at about eleven-thirty PM and it’s even hard to get water down..The fire is hot and dry like the Sahara.. My poor stomach is swollen as if I was 8 months pregnant from the air being blow into it as well and with that comes a lot of pain…The end result, I still have no answers, I am having an even harder time swallowing now (didn’t think it was possible) than before and I am in more pain than I was in before…Needless to say, I am not happy….
And, how was your day?