Grief & Consolation

For those who don’t watch my YouTube videos then you don’t know that I had a major loss on Friday. I had to put my Bailey to sleep. Bailey was 15 1/2 years old. He was diabetic and also had a tad bit of Parkinson’s but, he was holding his own for the longest time between tons of love and good medical care. Although I knew the day would come I would have to say good bye, the way it happened was completely unexpected and to be honest, I can’t talk about it right now because it’s still so raw. What I can say is, Bailey was my heart. Bailey was the child I could never have. I loved him more than anything in the world and there was nothing I didn’t do or wouldn’t have done for him. In my life, Bailey came first. Always. He deserved all that and more for the enormous amount of love he always gave me. My heart is broken. I don’t know when, if ever it will heal. Only the Lord knows and only the Lord can heal it. For now, I am heart broken and I miss my baby more than I ever thought I could. 

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Through the deep grief I am feeling right now one thing is constant and that is God. He has so mercifully sent me consolation today in the midst of my pain. Today is Monday May 16th exactly one month to the day that my husband had a heart attack. Today was also his first follow up with the cardiologist who saved his life that day. Over the past four weeks I have been a bundle of nerves. Worry, anxiety, stress, overwhelm. You name it, it was hitting me and then… I lost my Bailey which for me was the proverbial icing on the cake. I was nervous while we were waiting to see the doctor this morning. Not sure what he was going to say. In comes God and gives me consolation through all of this. 

My husbands heart was minimally damaged, the rest of his arteries look good with the exception of some small ones down below the heart that have small blockages but we are working towards cleaning those out through diet and medication. The doctor is very pleased with Lou’s diet over the last four weeks which has changed dramatically. In another four weeks he is going to be allowed to start rebuilding our deck. The doctor is pleased that he is walking as he should. He took an EKG while in the office today and he told us it was very good. Then he told me something that completely floored me.

My husband was telling the doctor that he had been feeling massive heart burn, some pain which he thought was indigestion for three days before he had the heart attack. THREE DAYS! The doctor then said “well let me tell you what was happening for those three days. Your artery was opening and closing the entire time” So I said to my husband on the way home, lets just think about what he said.. Your artery was clogged so much to the point you had a heart attack  BUT, for THREE DAYS God allowed that artery to keep opening back up and allowing enough blood flow through so that you didn’t drop dead at home from a massive heart attack”.. How many people get a chance like that? God in all His mercy allowed you to live and not only did He allow you to live, He made sure it didn’t happen at home, He made sure it happened while you were in a capable emergency room, He made sure you had enough time to be transported to another hospital, He made sure you had enough time to be brought straight into surgery and He gave you a phenomenal surgeon who saved your life and He made sure there was minimal to no damage to your heart… GOD IS MERCIFUL! And then today He again bestowed His mercy on us once more with such a good first follow up.  

No matter how undeserving we should all know we are of any of Gods blessings, because He IS love, He bestows His love and mercy upon us still.. 

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