Yep.. Thats pretty much what it’s looked like. Every once in a while for only a little space in time I forget that I have been ill for over twenty five years and my body doesn’t work like those who are healthy. I get these ideas like, the whole trying to reset my body clock and think to myself, “this is gonna be great. I’ll have so much more time to do things. I won’t be as tired. I’ll finally be on a good sleep schedule” and the list goes on.
Then…..reality comes along and slaps me upside the head and reminds me that my body doesn’t ever do as I wish it to. It does as it pleases. Kind of like a hormonal fourteen year old girl. Its pissing and moaning one minute, sweet as pie the next and before you know, looking to rip your head off.
I did try on Monday. I went to bed Sunday night at my usual time, Eleven – Thirty Pm or there abouts but I forced myself to get up at Five – Thirty AM and stay up. HUGE mistake for me. In the afternoon, I take a nap every afternoon. Yeah Im
not really OLD I just NEED one every day! Anywho, I forced myself to only sleep in the afternoon for an hour. Second huge mistake. By Seven – Thirty on Monday evening I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open but my body was so wired from the lack of sleep my muscles would not let me sleep!. I suffered all night feeling like I had been hit by a bus until midnight when my body finally decided it would allow me to go to bed.
Then I thought well Okay, this is clearly not going to work. Maybe I should do what I do best and allow my body to tell me what it’s going to do. Wouldn’t you know Tuesday night about Ten PM I closed my eyes for what I thought was like five minutes. Then next thing I knew it was 5:00 AM!….Is it possible my body is going to allow me this one small thing to be in my control? Could it be? I don’t trust the SOB! It always dangles things in front of me only to snatch it away again but I am going to do what I did Tuesday afternoon. Im going to take my two and a half hour nap and see what time I fall asleep tonight. Maybe this reverse psychology will work on my body? I”ll let you know!.