There are many days, okay, most days that I try very hard not to complain, not to show how I am feeling and or I blow it off as no big deal but lately, sheeweee, I am having a really hard time with this.
I am beginning to wonder if the last Twenty Two or Twenty Six years are finally catching up with me. I say take your pick between years because I was originally diagnosed with Lyme Disease in 1990 but it didn’t completely disabled me until 1994 so, take your pick. To me, twenty two, twenty six, it really doesn’t matter. Bottom line is, it’s been a long time.
The last eight months or so I now suffer daily, excruciating pain like I never had in all my years of chronic illness. Which tells me, either something ‘new’ is going on or the old stuff is getting worse. I haven’t figured it out yet, don’t know if I ever will.
One of the hardest parts is living in the South none of the doctors here and trust me, I’ve seen plenty of them understand , are not educated in nor do they care to be educated in Lyme disease and it’s associated tick born illnesses. It kind of leaves me hanging on a cliff daily just wondering when I’ll fall over. Not the easiest way to live but, I have faith that God knows what’s in store for me be it good or bad I know He will be with me.
Each day I literally drag myself out of bed and force myself to begin the day with whatever that entails. Usually it’s feeding the five mouths with four paws and then it’s off to the races taking care to see my husband has what he needs and then what my house needs. In typical female fashion I put my own needs last but as of late, I’m not even sure what those needs are anymore. See what I’m saying? My brain fog is so thick that if I were a boat lost at sea in the fog I’d capsize and drown. Not so sure I’m not drowning now but I will continue to do as I try too. Each day I will give my life and my day to the Lord, ask for guidance, ask for the intelligence to recognize his guidance and then follow it and Him.