Finding Good In The Bad.

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If you read my post from yesterday titled “In An Instant” then you know what has been happening in our lives. Today I wanted to share with you the many ways things have changed in our home and how we have changed..

First let me say, what happened with my husband was in actuality my worst nightmare coming to pass but with a different ending. (Thank you God in Heaven) but now that we have had some time to reflect on all that has happened we are slowly coming out of the darkness into the light and looking for the good in what happened and what lessons we were supposed to learn. In doing that we have also been able to see the good that has come from this..You’re probably thinking, “what good could possibly come from almost losing the love of your life to a heart attack?” Let me list them for you.

Most of us think we know whats truly important in the life we live but the reality of that is, until it’s almost snatched away we truly have no idea. For us, we now fully understand what is most important in our lives. Gone are the desires to have the newest electronic gadgets, gone is my obsessive need to have my home look perfect and have all the home renovations done quickly and perfectly. Gone is the obsessing over having to be ‘organized”. Gone is worrying about getting all the dishes done before the morning. Currently it’s Ten P.M. and my sink is full of dishes and it will stay that way until I feel like doing them.  Gone is the desire to have a gorgeous handbag to carry around. Gone is the desire to have super nice clothing.  Gone is my desire to have so much makeup one person couldn’t wear it all in ten years. Gone is my self conscience feelings of having to look good all the time for fear of how others will see me. All of this has been replaced. Out with the old, in with the….whats truly important..

In is, many many more kisses and hugs. In is, spending more time with each other even if we’re just sleeping. In is, being much more patient with each other. In is, over looking and letting go of the things that may annoy us about each other.  In is, no more bickering like two Ninety year olds all day. In is, showing our love for each other more each day in the small things. In is, making sure to love our families as much as possible. In is, making sure to set aside one day a week to call all of our family and just talk. In is, caring for and loving our friends. In is, being there for both family and friends as much is physically possibly and sometimes pushing to do what isn’t physically possible. In is, waking up each day and ending each day with a prayer of thanks to God our Father for each day together and for the gift of His son Jesus. In is, a whole new way of eating. In is, a whole new way of living. In is, all the goodness that came out of something very very bad….

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Favorite Things Friday

Hello friends.

Today is Friday and I wanted to start a new series on my blog called Favorite Things Friday. Each Friday I will bring to you something I have in my life that I love. I hope you will enjoy this series. Without further ado let’s get to this weeks favorite things. 

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I realize some may find dolls creepy but this pair of dolls are very close to my heart. My Mom (God rest her soul) made these back in 1976. Back then ceramics class was a big thing. We lived in a small town so most of the ladies in town went one night a week. They began this project which took them three months to complete. I was six years old in 1976 but I can still remember as if it were yesterday my mom and her best friend would go on Monday nights and be there for hours on end working on these handmade dolls. My mom made a boy and a girl to represent me and my brother Billy. The detail is amazing an they’ve held up very well over the years considering how many times we moved. 

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Our outfits are all made from real material including my brothers suspenders and hat and his buttons are also real. 

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On my doll as you can see, the lace as well as the ribbons and hair are all made from material that they soaked in some kind of hardener. She is a little worse for wear but she’s old like me. As I stated above the detail on this pair of dolls is amazing and it was painstakingly tedious .

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I don’t dare use any kind of harsh cleaner on them except once in a while I will go over them gently with a soft tooth brush and a mild dish washing soap. I also don’t want to remove the patina on the clothing either. 

As a side note, we used to tease my brother all the time because the head on his doll up until a few years ago when I finally fixed it used to fall forward like it was going to fall off so I would look at my brothers doll and say to myself “Bill! whats the matter with you have you lost your head!”….

My mom has been gone from this life for just about seventeen years (still can’t believe that) but I can’t tell you how grateful I am for all those Monday nights in 1976 when she missed bedtime because she left to me something that not only do I appreciate for it’s art but pieces that are filled with memories for me. Thank you Mom..

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Life Happens

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Hello there friends…

Well, life happens doesn’t it? Spring has sprung here in my part of South Carolina for the most part. The weather seems as fickle as a woman these days. We have days of warmth in the 70’s and 80’s with bright sunshine and then two days later we are back in the upper 50’s again. Whoever said Mother Nature doesn’t PMS? As you can see my Azalea bush bloomed along with one other. It’s so sad they don’t bloom for long because the flowers are so pretty.

Quite a bit has happened since my last post.  Me and the Man have been sick it seems for months. We ended up getting the crud that was going around. You know the one where you begin with a sinus infection then it turns into bronchitis and you swear your lungs will explode and someone is trying to rip out a rib with a cleaver knife from coughing so much? Yea, that one. It also doesn’t seem to want to leave you once it catches you…

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A week ago while I was out the Man fell over the dogs and ended up breaking one of his toes and causing a small fracture in his foot so that’s been a ton of fun and now we are off to the doctor for him tomorrow because his ankles and feet look swollen to me. This scares me a bit because it could be something as simple as fluid retention from all the steroids they have had him on for the bronchitis or it could indicate a serious cardiac problem. Please send up some prayers to God it’s not the latter.. We’ve had our share so far this year and it’s only April. Not sure how much more either of us can handle. 

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My beloved Mother Angelica passed away on Easter Sunday. Although not unexpected as she had been languishing in suffering for the last fifteen years due to damage caused by a massive stroke in 2001 still, the world seems a little darker, a little colder without her presence no matter what state. I do though believe she is in Heaven praying for us all as she did here in earth.. Mother had a huge impact on countless millions across this world  and I am one of those millions. She is missed and will always be missed by those who loved her. Eternal rest grant unto her oh Lord, let perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace.

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As for myself, I have a couple of doctor appointments coming up in two weeks. One for my completely screwed up digestive system and one for the swelling and pain in my wrists, fingers and hands which my doctor is convinced is carpal tunnel syndrome.

Through all of this though I will look to the Lord for my strength, courage and peace. I place everything in His hands, accept my crosses with love and obedience for Him and find happiness in each brand new day. It’s hard to look at the above photo and not see the goodness of God all around you even in suffering. 

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Auld Lang Syne….

Auld Lang Syne was a poem written by Robert Burns in 1788 set to music. It’s about times gone by and remembering friends from the past and not letting them be forgotten.  For me, Auld Lang Syne sums up how New Years Eve has always felt for me. It’s always been a night where I reflect on those I’ve lost, those I miss, things that have happened in the past year both good and bad and I thought I’d share some of that with you this New Years Eve..

What comes to my mind first is the ones whom I love that I have lost.  In May of 2015 and I lost a very close friend unexpectedly. This was my friend John Morin.

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John and I became online friends through playing the Facebook game called “Farmville” I think it was in the year 2011. We became fast Facebook friends and we would have many phone conversations together. John had children and a wonderful wife all whom loved him very deeply. He was also an amazing friend. Anytime you needed him he was there even if it was more than an inconvenience to himself. He was a man who lived as Christ wants us all to live. To love one another as I have loved you. My only regret is that we never had the opportunity to meet in person but I know when the day comes that the Lord calls me home I will see John again.

In October of 2015 I lost a man whom I call “brother”.

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If anyone read my post here about him then you know Tony was in my life from the time I was eleven years old. Tony was a tortured soul all his life but also a man with a huge heart to those he loved. Losing Tony was not just losing a friend it was losing my brother but again, what brings me solace in my grief is knowing one day we will be reunited in Gods heavenly kingdom never to be parted again.

This past year I also lost three of my fur children Shadow, Onyx and Lizzy.

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My dogs are my children and losing one of them is so deeply heart breaking but here again, I fully believe that our beloved pets go to heaven. I refuse to believe that God would allow such a deep deep bond to form between human and animal and then that bond is forever severed in death. I know all my fur children whom I’ve lost over the last thirteen years, there have been six of them so far, will also be waiting for me.

I also reflect on the many blessings I have received, undeservedly so.The love and mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ. His church. The Sacraments, the love of my husband and my family. That I still have my Bailey who although has many health issue’s is fifteen years old and as of this writing still with me.

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Some of the financial burdens that have been lifted. The roof over my head the car under my bottom, the air conditioner in the summer, the heat in the winter, the clothes on my back and in my closet. The shoes on my feet,the food in my refrigerator and the ability to pay my bills.

The blessings of Sarah and Toby when I didn’t think my heart was healed enough to love another animal.

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The people who have touched my life even the ones who have come and gone. All from whom I learned lessons from. The friends who accept me as I am and are interested and love me for who I am and where I am and expect nothing in return but that same kind of love.

I think about what the coming year will bring and what it will be like to face another year older, another year older without my parents, another year older with all mine and my husbands health issue’s. Another year older without my family being down here with me. So much uncertainty but another year in which I will entrust all my grief all the uncertainty and my entire life and all that it contains to the Lord and our Blessed Mother.

I wish all of you who read this and your loved ones a very holy, blessed, healthy and joyous 2016.

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Quitting YouTube

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Hi Everyone,

If you’re here you must have seen my last YouTube video.. I wanted to put this on my blog because it would have been too hard for me to film it and I felt I at least owed those who have been with my channel from the beginning an explanation as to why I have decided to stop making videos.

If you watched the video I put up on December 14th 2015 titled “I Can’t Do This Anymore… Minor Meltdown” it was about how badly a doctor appointment went and then it snowballed into other things that hurt me and that I keep deep inside me. That morning and those moments were a very low point for me. A point that I’ve been at before. When you are chronically ill and struggle in other area’s of your life this will happen to you from time to time…Now, as to why I am no longer going to make videos. There are actually two reasons..

During the morning of my meltdown I went to a Catholic Church that I have been to before. I didn’t know where else to go and who else could I go to that would understand completely what was in my heart? I sat with our Lord in the tabernacle for only a few moments but I was so shattered inside that all I could do was ask him to help me because I couldn’t handle anything anymore. I cried, I asked, I cried some more and then I left.. 

That night which would have been last night, I suddenly had this overwhelming feeling on my heart. Wait, let me rephrase that.. It’s not a feeling, it’s a “knowing”. I spent more time earlier in the evening talking to Jesus before making any decisions because I still didn’t know what I needed to do to get my life and myself back into some kind of normalcy for lack of a better word. For a while now I’ve felt like I’ve just been losing control over everything in my life. It has no structure anymore. It has no direction anymore. Well thats when I felt this “knowing” very very strongly. It was time to back up and by back up I mean get back to Jesus. Get back to my faith. Get back to the One and Only person who can bring peace in my life but in order to do that I need to be present with Him. I can’t just keep flying by the seat of my pants. A relationship with the Lord is like any other. You have to nourish it each day or eventually it falls apart and my relationship with Him had fallen apart. Not because He moved away but because I had…. I was busying myself with social media most of the day and night. Telling myself I would get back to Jesus every day yet I didn’t because I was so busy making videos, watching videos, answering comments, wondering what kind of video I would put up next etc. So Jesus, I am ashamed to admit was not only on the back burner, He wasn’t even on the stove and, I lost my peace. I lost my connection. And for me, I NEED Him in my life. So this is the major reason why.. The next reason or two well, may not be liked by many but I’ve always been honest with you all and I’m not going to stop now.. 

There is such a thing called “over sharing”. Many people have fallen victim to it since social media has exploded in the last eight years or so. I am a late comer but, I also fell victim to it and it was glaringly clear to me after I put up that video which by the way I have since taken down…

When I first began my channel I thought I would do some beauty, maybe some DIY’s, maybe some reviews and that would be it. Well, over the last year it took on a life of it’s own like a monster being fed and I just kept sharing more and more of my life. I will not say I didn’t and don’t like to share but sometimes I think we can share just a bit too much and I have done that and for me, I have become uncomfortable with it..

Before YouTube, I was for the most part a very private person. I had a small circle, a very small circle who I shared with but that was it. As I thought about all this last night I realized that while my life was still rough, it went smoother than it has in the last year..I had peace in my life among the chaos. For those who don’t make videos you may not understand this but I’d like to think for those who do, you will be able to understand where I am coming from.

Beside the peace among the chaos I had in my life, I also had a life off social media. I did things, went places, etc without worrying if I should ‘vlog’ it. I want to get back to that. I want to get back to my quiet, private, peace among the chaos life. I don’t want to have to worry all the time what kind of video to put up, will they like etc. I know many will say, “You should just do what you like and not worry about what others think” well, eventually all of us who make videos fall victim to this kind of thinking. It doesn’t matter who you are, it happens and will happen to you…

Also, when you create videos for the world to see, you’re going to get people who want to hurt you with their words just because, well just because they can and they do. I don’t have a problem with constructive criticism but I do have a problem with people being mean just for the sake of being mean. I haven’t experienced a lot of that on YouTube but I have had some and I thought to myself last night, with all you have going on in your life why on earth would willingly open yourself up to that? You have enough to deal with….So, these are my reasons for no longer making videos. Now, will it be forever? I can’t say right now but I can tell you that it will be for the foreseeable future. One day I may reinvent my channel to something else but for now it’s on permanent hold.

So what WILL I be doing? Well, as I stated above, first and foremost I am re-establishing my relationship with the Jesus and my faith. I will be getting back to the life I was once happy with.

Will I be around at all? The answer is yes. I will still be watching videos and commenting on videos but, probably only videos on topics that I am truly interested in and when I can ‘fit’ it in..

Having said all this, I do want to say that my YouTube experience hasn’t been all bad. I have made many acquaintances and a few good friendships that I know will last way beyond YouTube and I will always be grateful to YouTube for that. I also want to thank all of you who have been with my channel for so long and even those who just came on board. You’ve always been accepting, kind, loving,supportive and I thank you for that. We live in a cruel world today and people like you are a rare gift. So thank you.

I will still be on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook but I have also limited my lists and time on their as well.. Do you still want to keep in touch with me? You can always email me. My email is iamsimplyme1970@gmail.com I would love to hear from you and see how you are and what you’re up too.

I will also be posting a lot more here on my blog. Blogging is a lot more private than doing a video and I have always liked to write. Like reading, I find peace in writing. So if you would like to keep in touch I hope you’ll bookmark my blog and visit me here. 

As for my P.O. Box, I will be keeping that open probably until the end of January 2016.

I hope you all understand my decision and that it’s something I feel very strongly about and why and something I need to do for myself at this point in my life..

So as the photo in this post says :

It’s not Good-Bye, it’s a “See You Later”

Robyn

XO
 

 

 

 

 

 

Slowing Down…..

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Hey folks,

I apologize for my long absence..I have really put my blog on the wayyyy back burner but I have decided that’s not going to happen anymore…

So where have I been? In truth, sucked into social media. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and then I started a YouTube channel last year and that was the end of it. My blog got lost which is sad because, I really do enjoy writing on my blog, or at least I did until I really got into making YouTube videos.  Ive been thinking a lot about my social media use the last few months and I realized that it really had become a huge part of my life and for some, I guess thats fine but for myself it’s not any longer.. A lot of things have suffered in my life because of my heavy use of always being connected. I no longer do a lot of the things I like such as needle crafts, reading, watching a movie and most of all, praying. If you’re wondering how all these things could suffer because of social media I’ll tell you some about it.. 

I feel like I am always on information overload and I don’t think I am alone in feeling like this. It’s like I am perpetually connected to every single thing that goes on in this world and while sometimes that may not be a bad thing, for me it’s become a burden and one I don’t need. I find I can no longer quiet my thoughts. My thoughts are always moving at mach speed and my concentration has become almost nil. My thoughts are always going from one thing to the next. This is not a good thing. I can no longer watch movies, or sit and do some needle work because my brain is always moving along and sitting peacefully and quietly seems like such a hard thing to do now. I always feel a constant anxiety to move and do something. I guess I could describe it as my mind and body are always “on”.. They never just slow down.. My mind and body always seem to be in some sort of race. This is a horrible thing for my prayer life which has taken a huge hit. For one to be able to pray, pray deeply and connect with God, one must be able to quiet the mind and body. I have in the last year or so found this almost impossible to do and I hate it.. For me, prayer, connection to God is absolutely important above all else but, when one is unable to ‘turn off” this is impossible.

I made a decision last night that I would start learning how to turn off again and that means my social media use absolutely must be cut to a minimum. Of course I will still use it but not before the more important things in my life are achieved. Such as, prayer, getting back to Mass again every week and taking care of my family and myself.

What I would like to do is restart my blog because I have missed it. I do enjoy making videos for YouTube but honestly, not as much as I like writing. I believe I can find a balance in all this and I think the balance for me is, my blog will be mostly what I will use social media for. I will still make YouTube videos but only when I feel like it and definitely not on any kind of schedule.. I do want to keep up with those on YouTube Ive become friends with so I wouldn’t abandon it all together but my making of and watching videos is going to be cut drastically so I can devote more time to the things I mentioned above and to my blog.

I really hope some of you can understand and connect with what I’m feeling about my social media sink hole and I really hope you all will keep up with me on my blog…

Until my next post…. God bless you and keep you..

Robyn