Fifty – Nine Years

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Today we celebrated my husbands fifty-ninth birthday. We had a nice day together that we also shared with our best friends Bill & Linda. 

The temperature outside was a balmy thirty some odd degrees but the love shared on this day made for a nice warm and cozy day together celebrating my husband. I had so many thoughts and feelings when I woke up this morning, mostly, thankfulness. We decided that we would stay home, I would make a nice dinner and we’d have some birthday cake and that’s exactly what we did and I thought I would share some photos of the day with you. 

Enjoy! 

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This is my handsome birthday boy..

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A kiss to start the day!

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I forgot to take a photo of the dinner we had. I made a nice ham along with some green beans, a salad and some biscuits. I did however take a video of us singing Happy Birthday to my handsome man. Yeah, don’t turn your sound up too loud because we sound like a few suffering cows. What can I tell ya, singing is not our strong suit. 

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Then it was time to cut the cake ! 

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After cake, we, meaning Me, Lou, Bill & Linda decided to take some photos but Bill, our resident comedian decided to goof around. He always makes us laugh.. 

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This is myself and my bestie Linda 

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And of course even though with time boys turn into men they are still always little boys at heart. They look like two little boys playing in the backyard. Bill is messing around and Lou has this intent look on his face while he’s watching Bill play with my salt and pepper shakers as if they are nine years old again and Lou can’t wait to see what Bill will do next.. LOL

Best Buds 

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And then it was time to say G’night.

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It Was Frightening

Gay Pride

A group advocating AIDS research marches down Fifth Avenue during the 14th annual Lesbian and Gay Pride parade in New York, June 27, 1983. This year’s parade is dedicated to victims of the incurable disease AIDS which primarily afflicts homosexual men. (AP Photo/Mario Suriani)

It was the 80’s and I was a teenager. All of eighteen when I learned of AIDS. I know it had been around before that but as a teenager who ran fast with a fast crowd we didn’t exactly pay attention to the news. In 1988 I was working full time for an upscale auto collision shop in New Jersey. More and more AIDS was being brought to the forefront as was the hysteria surrounding it and in all honesty , it was frightening. At the time I didn’t know anyone who had AIDS but that was about to change. 

One day a customer came in who happened to be the daughter of one of our biggest accounts. She had an auto wreck and needed her car fixed she also, had AIDS. Thats when the AIDS fear entered my life. No one in the shop would get in her car to get her insurance information out of it because she had bled in the car and everyone was afraid. I admit, at first I was a bit afraid myself but that night I went home and decided to do some research and learn more and so I did.. 

Next morning I tried in vain to educate everyone in the office and the shop that they had nothing to fear that once “it dries it dies” but my words fell on deaf ears. Finally I got so angry I called every male in the place (I worked with 15 men) a pansy ass and went into the car and got the information myself. Well, you would have thought I was going into an unknown world. They all stared at me like I was insane.. To their surprise. I survived, the car was fixed and me and Doretta (yes that was her name) became friends. 

Fast Forward a few years and I got sick with Lyme Disease. By 1994 I was too sick to work but I was also full of anxiety and frustrated to no end sitting home all the time sick and in pain just staring at the TV. Someone suggested that I should try volunteering to see what I could actually get my body to do. I did just that and I picked a soup kitchen dedicated to AIDS patients at a church about twenty minutes from my home. I went two times a week for about a month when my body decided it had enough.

I will tell you though, those two months were the most rewarding two months of my life. I got to meet these people that others were so afraid of. Turns out with education and compassion there is nothing to be afraid of. I got to see life through their eyes. I remember a woman who would come twice a week on my days and she was very sick. She didn’t have long to live. I would arrive and there she’d be sitting in her chair with her IV pole  usually alone reading a book. We would exchange a smile or two when I served her a meal and finally one day I sat down and we began to talk. I never asked her how she contracted AIDS because it didn’t matter.. She was no different from me except that she was dying faster than I.  I don’t know if I brought anything to the days she had left but she had given me a gift that has lasted these twenty some odd years and will until its my time to leave this earth. She allowed me to know her, to be kind to her and to be a friend to her. I will never forget her or her beautiful smile.

I will be forever grateful for my time in that soup kitchen and if I am ever able to volunteer again  I would do it all over the same way.

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The Lords Day

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How many of us can say we have someone like this? True, good friends are so rare in this life. If you are lucky enough to have a friend like this be sure to remember to pray for them every day and thank God for them every day because they are a gift to you from our Eternal Father..

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Grief & Consolation

For those who don’t watch my YouTube videos then you don’t know that I had a major loss on Friday. I had to put my Bailey to sleep. Bailey was 15 1/2 years old. He was diabetic and also had a tad bit of Parkinson’s but, he was holding his own for the longest time between tons of love and good medical care. Although I knew the day would come I would have to say good bye, the way it happened was completely unexpected and to be honest, I can’t talk about it right now because it’s still so raw. What I can say is, Bailey was my heart. Bailey was the child I could never have. I loved him more than anything in the world and there was nothing I didn’t do or wouldn’t have done for him. In my life, Bailey came first. Always. He deserved all that and more for the enormous amount of love he always gave me. My heart is broken. I don’t know when, if ever it will heal. Only the Lord knows and only the Lord can heal it. For now, I am heart broken and I miss my baby more than I ever thought I could. 

Blog Brain...

Through the deep grief I am feeling right now one thing is constant and that is God. He has so mercifully sent me consolation today in the midst of my pain. Today is Monday May 16th exactly one month to the day that my husband had a heart attack. Today was also his first follow up with the cardiologist who saved his life that day. Over the past four weeks I have been a bundle of nerves. Worry, anxiety, stress, overwhelm. You name it, it was hitting me and then… I lost my Bailey which for me was the proverbial icing on the cake. I was nervous while we were waiting to see the doctor this morning. Not sure what he was going to say. In comes God and gives me consolation through all of this. 

My husbands heart was minimally damaged, the rest of his arteries look good with the exception of some small ones down below the heart that have small blockages but we are working towards cleaning those out through diet and medication. The doctor is very pleased with Lou’s diet over the last four weeks which has changed dramatically. In another four weeks he is going to be allowed to start rebuilding our deck. The doctor is pleased that he is walking as he should. He took an EKG while in the office today and he told us it was very good. Then he told me something that completely floored me.

My husband was telling the doctor that he had been feeling massive heart burn, some pain which he thought was indigestion for three days before he had the heart attack. THREE DAYS! The doctor then said “well let me tell you what was happening for those three days. Your artery was opening and closing the entire time” So I said to my husband on the way home, lets just think about what he said.. Your artery was clogged so much to the point you had a heart attack  BUT, for THREE DAYS God allowed that artery to keep opening back up and allowing enough blood flow through so that you didn’t drop dead at home from a massive heart attack”.. How many people get a chance like that? God in all His mercy allowed you to live and not only did He allow you to live, He made sure it didn’t happen at home, He made sure it happened while you were in a capable emergency room, He made sure you had enough time to be transported to another hospital, He made sure you had enough time to be brought straight into surgery and He gave you a phenomenal surgeon who saved your life and He made sure there was minimal to no damage to your heart… GOD IS MERCIFUL! And then today He again bestowed His mercy on us once more with such a good first follow up.  

No matter how undeserving we should all know we are of any of Gods blessings, because He IS love, He bestows His love and mercy upon us still.. 

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Blog Signture

Grief & Consolation

For those who don’t watch my YouTube videos then you don’t know that I had a major loss on Friday. I had to put my Bailey to sleep. Bailey was 15 1/2 years old. He was diabetic and also had a tad bit of Parkinson’s but, he was holding his own for the longest time between tons of love and good medical care. Although I knew the day would come I would have to say good bye, the way it happened was completely unexpected and to be honest, I can’t talk about it right now because it’s still so raw. What I can say is, Bailey was my heart. Bailey was the child I could never have. I loved him more than anything in the world and there was nothing I didn’t do or wouldn’t have done for him. In my life, Bailey came first. Always. He deserved all that and more for the enormous amount of love he always gave me. My heart is broken. I don’t know when, if ever it will heal. Only the Lord knows and only the Lord can heal it. For now, I am heart broken and I miss my baby more than I ever thought I could. 

Blog Brain...

Through the deep grief I am feeling right now one thing is constant and that is God. He has so mercifully sent me consolation today in the midst of my pain. Today is Monday May 16th exactly one month to the day that my husband had a heart attack. Today was also his first follow up with the cardiologist who saved his life that day. Over the past four weeks I have been a bundle of nerves. Worry, anxiety, stress, overwhelm. You name it, it was hitting me and then… I lost my Bailey which for me was the proverbial icing on the cake. I was nervous while we were waiting to see the doctor this morning. Not sure what he was going to say. In comes God and gives me consolation through all of this. 

My husbands heart was minimally damaged, the rest of his arteries look good with the exception of some small ones down below the heart that have small blockages but we are working towards cleaning those out through diet and medication. The doctor is very pleased with Lou’s diet over the last four weeks which has changed dramatically. In another four weeks he is going to be allowed to start rebuilding our deck. The doctor is pleased that he is walking as he should. He took an EKG while in the office today and he told us it was very good. Then he told me something that completely floored me.

My husband was telling the doctor that he had been feeling massive heart burn, some pain which he thought was indigestion for three days before he had the heart attack. THREE DAYS! The doctor then said “well let me tell you what was happening for those three days. Your artery was opening and closing the entire time” So I said to my husband on the way home, lets just think about what he said.. Your artery was clogged so much to the point you had a heart attack  BUT, for THREE DAYS God allowed that artery to keep opening back up and allowing enough blood flow through so that you didn’t drop dead at home from a massive heart attack”.. How many people get a chance like that? God in all His mercy allowed you to live and not only did He allow you to live, He made sure it didn’t happen at home, He made sure it happened while you were in a capable emergency room, He made sure you had enough time to be transported to another hospital, He made sure you had enough time to be brought straight into surgery and He gave you a phenomenal surgeon who saved your life and He made sure there was minimal to no damage to your heart… GOD IS MERCIFUL! And then today He again bestowed His mercy on us once more with such a good first follow up.  

No matter how undeserving we should all know we are of any of Gods blessings, because He IS love, He bestows His love and mercy upon us still.. 

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Online Friendships? Beware

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Hi everyone. Today I just wanted to share a very unpleasant experience I just had.

A few months ago I had met someone on social media. This person was always kind, always left nice comments and then this person began sending me gifts. I have to be honest, at first I was a little irked by this but I thought well I guess they are just a very nice person who likes to do nice things for others. We began talking a lot online and then we were on the phone almost every day, two and three times a day for the last few months. 

I……thought we were very close. More like sisters than friends. I shared very intimate details of my life with this person. During this time, the gifts kept coming and I kept saying thank you but please don’t spend any more money on me, don’t send me any more gifts,  it’s very nice but I don’t need things, our friendship is blessing enough and I meant it. I felt uncomfortable with all the gifts but regardless of how many times I said no I can’t accept it was given anyway and I didn’t want to send it back because I didn’t want to insult them. I should have listened to myself and done just that.

Well, sadly it turns out this person was not what they said they were.. After doing some thinking I realize I was manipulated. This person suddenly flipped out on me(at the worst time because I had, had a VERY bad morning that morning and they knew how upset I was because we spoke on the phone about it, so basically they kicked me when I was down) because they didn’t like the way I was living an accused me of being all kinds of things (which are not true) for no good reason.. The funny part is for all the criticism they threw at me they are simply no different than I am, act no different than I do with the exception of one aspect. I don’t try and buy people and then try to dictate to them how they should live and be. 

So because I am not what this person thinks I should be, and I am not living how this person thinks I should be they, after having been cruel with words, in an instant blocked me from their social media and cut me off at the knees like I never existed. Before I was blocked (for no good reason either) I responded in kind and was told that I was being hostile. Hostile??? Really??? NO, I was not hostile, I was hurt, very hurt and still am. I thought this person was a best friend, a sister. Two titles I do NOT give out easily, I opened my heart to them and I trusted them.

But even for as bad as I might feel about this all is not lost because I have learned a few valuable lessons. 

  1. If someone comes at you bearing gifts (especially when they don’t really know you), and that same someone keeps sending you gifts despite your constant telling them not too, and that same someone does not take no for an answer in reference to these gifts, be aware. Be VERY aware. Something isn’t right.. You’re being bought.

2.  As for myself, my hurt will heal (and my personal embarrassment at being so stupid) and I will not allow this to make me bitter but I will never again open my heart to an “online stranger”. I will never again trust an “online stranger” and I will leave them or keep them as two things. Acquaintances or strangers.

3. I will never fall victim again to allowing myself to be bought because now I know what it looks like and I will not allow myself to ever be manipulated by someone again by believing everything they tell me about themselves.

 To sum up, looking back now I see a pattern that I didn’t allow myself to see. This person told me about other “friendships” they had and how it was hard for them to trust anyone etc. and for one reason or another this person had cut them off( and it was always the fault of the other person).  So, for all of you who have “online only friends” be careful. Be very very careful. I should have known better. I’ve been online for over a decade and I’ve seen a lot I’ve just never been victim too it until now. I always took people at their word and I realize now that I can no longer do that. Do not believe everything someone tells you. People are not honest. They will paint themselves to be whoever or whatever they want you to believe or even scarier what they believe themselves to be…

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Exciting News!

Hi everyone!

As you know if you’ve been reading my blog my life has been consumed with trying to move and all the stress thats been bringing. Well, in the middle of all this stress God sent an angel.

It goes like this:

This baby here

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Just became a father to this baby!

Please meet my Great Niece, Ms. Olivia Grace. Born April 3rd 2014

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So now one of my babies (there are three) has his own baby.

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