When Its Real

When Its Real (1)

Many hundreds of thousands of people have heard of Joey + Rory. Country music stars and now Grammy winners as well. Maybe they are only famous to some due to Rory’s blog called, 

This Life I Live 

where for the last two years he has blogged about his life and mostly about his wife Joey’s battle with stage IV cervical cancer. That is how I found them and I am better off for it. 

Recently, Rory wrote a book titled the same name as his blog, This Life I Live .

On the blog we don’t get to learn about Rory himself as the blog was always more geared towards his wife and his precious daughter Indy. In the book however, readers got to know a lot about Rory’s life from the beginning up until this present. It was actually really nice to learn more about this unique man although he would be the last one to call himself unique. The reader also gets to learn a little bit more about his beloved Joey that was not shared in the book nor in the movie.

What fascinated me most about this man, Joey and their lives is how no matter how hard times got, and we all know about hard times, faith is what brought them through. The deep connection to the Lord, the complete and total dependence on Divine Providence when most of us would have given up. 

Rory came from shall we say extremely humble beginnings and those beginnings were far from easy. Joey came from a wonderful, loving, faithful family. Two complete opposite puzzle pieces that God in His wisdom and love for us made to fit perfectly together. 

This book, to me was so good that I read it completely in one day. In these 250 pages you find, struggle, love, loss and beauty all together. It’s a book I recommend to everyone and anyone. 

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Drowning In Fear

Drowning In Fear

These last ten months have been very hard on me. You see, my Mr had a heart attack in April of last year. My worst nightmare had come to be a reality. Thanks be to God he survived it but, since then he has had trouble with his feet, ankles and lower legs swelling. We have had every heart test done with the exception of a catherization which is not something you just want to easily do. It comes with it’s own set of extremes including death. 


The cardiologist put him on a water pill which really is just a band-aid. Mr also has a 50% blockage in the same artery a way down the line which at this point, I want fixed immediately but Mr wants to wait until his appointment in March to discuss what tests will be needed first and then proceed from there. In the meantime, Mr’s feet keep swelling up like balloons with no rhyme or reason despite the water pill. Now I am not a doctor but I am pretty medically savvy having had my own misfortune of being ill for the last twenty some odd years so I have learned a lot over the years. What this tells me is that Mr’s heart is not working properly and he could have another heart attack at any time and this time we may not be so blessed and if that weren’t enough, Mr went to the dentist the other day to have two teeth pulled and the doctor found something in his cheek so in March we are off to an oral surgeon to have it biopsied as our dentist is concerned about cancer. 


So you see, my anxiety and fear has been at an all time high. 

As I was sitting tonight trying to catch up on the Mass readings for the entire week ( I fell behind due to my own poor health) I came to Tuesday’s reading and it’s from the book of Sirach. I believe the Lord is telling me to listen to him through this scripture but I have to be honest when I tell you that lately it’s been extremely hard for me. I have been praying and begging the Lord to help me trust Him but it’s been a deep, deep struggle for me but this scripture passage has stood out to me like a neon sign and one I think I’m going to try and read every single day. I thought I would share it here for you all in case there are others who like me are dealing with real fear and anxiety over serious life circumstances. 

Sirach 2:1-11


My son, When you come to serve the Lord, stand in justice and fear, prepare yourself for trials. Be sincere of heart and steadfast, incline your ear and receive the word of understanding, undisturbed in time of adversity. Wait on God, with patience, cling to Him, forsake him not thus you will be wise in all your ways.  Accept whatever befalls you, when sorrowful, be steadfast, and in crushing misfortune be patient. For in fire gold and silver are tested, and worthy people in the crucible of humiliation.  Trust God and God will help you, trust in Him and He will direct your way; keep His fear and grow old therein. 


I am trying.. Please pray for us…

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And So, It Begins

the-beginning

In my last post I talked to you about a Spiritual Reading Program I was about to start. As of tonight, I have begun that journey. You may be wondering why would someone go on a Spiritual Reading Quest? Well, for me, it’s because I want to be closer to God. I want to know Him more, I want to love Him more, I want to serve Him and be pleasing to Him. How can I do any of these things if I don’t know Him as much as possible?

As with any relationship we can’t truly love someone if we don’t take the time to truly get to know them. Same goes with God. Our purpose here is to know, love and serve God and it begins with the first step. Mine is what I like to do best. Reading. 

I also shared this book with you…

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And the author of this book is very confident that once someone begins a spiritual reading program such as this, one will feel benefits right away. I am here to tell you, she’s right. I spent much more time this evening with God through reading than I normally do, I was able to more deeply contemplate, meditate on the Scripture passage I read as well and I already feel a closer connection to Him and I can not wait to get even closer. This I believe is His gift to me and I can’t think of a better gift. 

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Knowing When To Stop

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Have you ever wanted something so much that you completely stressed yourself out for months trying to make it happen?

I have. A few years back I wanted to move back North desperately for many reasons. Mostly for my health because the medical help I need is up in the North East whereas I am in the South East. Being that we are not financially well off and all that comes with that, ie: credit scores, ready cash and the list goes on I was still looking at every single avenue possible and believe it or not there are options. Of course those options are only available if, they are supposed to happen. 

I can not tell you how many times we hit a brick wall just as we got so close to our goal we could just about taste it. Four different times. Finally, after being completely stressed out to the point of exhaustion and panic attacks I said, “Okay God, I don’t know whats happening here but one thing is glaringly obvious. You do not want us to move. I don’t pretend to understand why especially when you know my medical needs and how they are not being met here but I can’t do this anymore. YOU lead. Im tired.  I realized over those months I was pushing back against what God had in store for us and my arms were finally tired. 

Very short back story. Our mortgage was outrageous, our home was underwater in a big way and we were drowning financially. It was getting time to just walk away. In the midst of this raging storm I had, on a whim put in papers with our mortgage company asking for a modification to the mortgage. I knew it wouldn’t happen but I figured, doesn’t hurt to ask right?

On Good Friday, which also happened to be my birthday a few years ago my husband and I were sitting in our den completely wiped out from the stress just staring at each other not knowing what we were going do next. Suddenly, the ringing of the phone pierced the silence. It was our mortgage company informing us that they had decided to modify our mortgage which would bring our mortgage payment down over seven hundred dollars a month. If that weren’t enough they decided to modify it for the LIFE of the loan which most places only do it for three years AND they also dropped the astronomical amount that we were underwater and brought it back down to the original mortgage price which, still puts us under water but no where near what it was and in a few years maybe it will finally be worth what we owe.

So the moral of my story here is, if there’s something you’re pushing for and you keep hitting a brick wall and slamming doors no matter what way you turn it’s very possibly God is trying to tell you, “not yet. “This is not the time”. Financially He worked things out in a big way and as for my health, well, I am leaving that to Him because I have the feeling He is working on that too..

Have faith! 

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I'm Feeling It Lately

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There are many days, okay, most days that I try very hard not to complain, not to show how I am feeling and or I blow it off as no big deal but lately, sheeweee, I am having a really hard time with this. 

I am beginning to wonder if the last Twenty Two or Twenty Six years are finally catching up with me. I say take your pick between years because I was originally diagnosed with Lyme Disease in 1990 but it didn’t completely disabled me until 1994 so, take your pick. To me, twenty two, twenty six, it really doesn’t matter. Bottom line is, it’s been a long time. 

The last eight months or so I now suffer daily, excruciating pain like I never had in all my years of chronic illness. Which tells me, either something ‘new’ is going on or the old stuff is getting worse. I haven’t figured it out yet, don’t know if I ever will. 

One of the hardest parts is living in the South none of the doctors here and trust me, I’ve seen plenty of them understand , are not educated in nor do they care to be educated in Lyme disease and it’s associated tick born illnesses. It kind of leaves me hanging on a cliff daily just wondering when I’ll fall over. Not the easiest way to live but, I have faith that God knows what’s in store for me be it good or bad I know He will be with me.

Each day I literally drag myself out of bed and force myself to begin the day with whatever that entails. Usually it’s feeding the five mouths with four paws and then it’s off to the races taking care to see my husband has what he needs and then what my house needs. In typical female fashion I put my own needs last but as of late, I’m not even sure what those needs are anymore. See what I’m saying? My brain fog is so thick that if I were a boat lost at sea in the fog I’d capsize and drown. Not so sure I’m not drowning now but I will continue to do as I try too. Each day I will give my life and my day to the Lord, ask for guidance, ask for the intelligence to recognize his guidance and then follow it and Him. 

New Sig

 

I’m Feeling It Lately

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There are many days, okay, most days that I try very hard not to complain, not to show how I am feeling and or I blow it off as no big deal but lately, sheeweee, I am having a really hard time with this. 

I am beginning to wonder if the last Twenty Two or Twenty Six years are finally catching up with me. I say take your pick between years because I was originally diagnosed with Lyme Disease in 1990 but it didn’t completely disabled me until 1994 so, take your pick. To me, twenty two, twenty six, it really doesn’t matter. Bottom line is, it’s been a long time. 

The last eight months or so I now suffer daily, excruciating pain like I never had in all my years of chronic illness. Which tells me, either something ‘new’ is going on or the old stuff is getting worse. I haven’t figured it out yet, don’t know if I ever will. 

One of the hardest parts is living in the South none of the doctors here and trust me, I’ve seen plenty of them understand , are not educated in nor do they care to be educated in Lyme disease and it’s associated tick born illnesses. It kind of leaves me hanging on a cliff daily just wondering when I’ll fall over. Not the easiest way to live but, I have faith that God knows what’s in store for me be it good or bad I know He will be with me.

Each day I literally drag myself out of bed and force myself to begin the day with whatever that entails. Usually it’s feeding the five mouths with four paws and then it’s off to the races taking care to see my husband has what he needs and then what my house needs. In typical female fashion I put my own needs last but as of late, I’m not even sure what those needs are anymore. See what I’m saying? My brain fog is so thick that if I were a boat lost at sea in the fog I’d capsize and drown. Not so sure I’m not drowning now but I will continue to do as I try too. Each day I will give my life and my day to the Lord, ask for guidance, ask for the intelligence to recognize his guidance and then follow it and Him. 

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