Drowning In Fear

These last ten months have been very hard on me. You see, my Mr had a heart attack in April of last year. My worst nightmare had come to be a reality. Thanks be to God he survived it but, since then he has had trouble with his feet, ankles and lower legs swelling. We have had every heart test done with the exception of a catherization which is not something you just want to easily do. It comes with it’s own set of extremes including death. 

The cardiologist put him on a water pill which really is just a band-aid. Mr also has a 50% blockage in the same artery a way down the line which at this point, I want fixed immediately but Mr wants to wait until his appointment in March to discuss what tests will be needed first and then proceed from there. In the meantime, Mr’s feet keep swelling up like balloons with no rhyme or reason despite the water pill. Now I am not a doctor but I am pretty medically savvy having had my own misfortune of being ill for the last twenty some odd years so I have learned a lot over the years. What this tells me is that Mr’s heart is not working properly and he could have another heart attack at any time and this time we may not be so blessed and if that weren’t enough, Mr went to the dentist the other day to have two teeth pulled and the doctor found something in his cheek so in March we are off to an oral surgeon to have it biopsied as our dentist is concerned about cancer. 

So you see, my anxiety and fear has been at an all time high. 

As I was sitting tonight trying to catch up on the Mass readings for the entire week ( I fell behind due to my own poor health) I came to Tuesday’s reading and it’s from the book of Sirach. I believe the Lord is telling me to listen to him through this scripture but I have to be honest when I tell you that lately it’s been extremely hard for me. I have been praying and begging the Lord to help me trust Him but it’s been a deep, deep struggle for me but this scripture passage has stood out to me like a neon sign and one I think I’m going to try and read every single day. I thought I would share it here for you all in case there are others who like me are dealing with real fear and anxiety over serious life circumstances. 

Sirach 2:1-11

My son, When you come to serve the Lord, stand in justice and fear, prepare yourself for trials. Be sincere of heart and steadfast, incline your ear and receive the word of understanding, undisturbed in time of adversity. Wait on God, with patience, cling to Him, forsake him not thus you will be wise in all your ways.  Accept whatever befalls you, when sorrowful, be steadfast, and in crushing misfortune be patient. For in fire gold and silver are tested, and worthy people in the crucible of humiliation.  Trust God and God will help you, trust in Him and He will direct your way; keep His fear and grow old therein. 

I am trying.. Please pray for us…