Life Updates & Ramblings

As most of you know we got hit pretty good here in the Myrtle Beach SC area from Hurricane Matthew.  Being without electricity for four days sure gave me a real good appreciation for light. The days weren’t so bad but it was when that sun would go down and everything was absolutely pitch black that by the third night it was seriously starting to get to my brain. We had some damage to our home but nothing too serious and I believe we are very blessed. 

The river near my home is and has been flooding all week long. There are towns in my county that are and have completely disappeared because they are totally underwater.. Here’s some photos..

So when you I look at these photos and I think about everything that has been lost I feel doubly blessed that we had some minor damage that we have insurance for. 

My husbands feet and ankles began to swell a month ago after being put on yet another statin to try. These are drugs for lowering cholesterol if you didn’t know that. He’s had trouble in the past few months with this reaction to other statins but they wanted to try one more. This time it was Crestor and it’s been pure hell since. I’ve have since been learning a lot about this class of drugs and they are killers. Back to my husband. His cardiologist put him on water pills last week and they have begun to help and I can finally see his feet again but that doesn’t answer why the swelling is there to begin with. When his feet swelled the last time, once the statin was removed the fluid went away. This time, it didn’t and it only continued to get worse. 

Friday found us at a medical imaging place to make sure he didn’t have a blood clot in the right leg as the right foot swelled much more than the left and keeps turning red. The radiologist at the ultra sound thought he saw something but wasn’t sure so they sent us straight over to the medical center so the vascular team could look. They said there’s nothing wrong. We are back to the drawing board.

The cardiologist keeps saying it doesn’t have anything to do with his heart which I find completely mind boggling considering the fact that my husbands feet first began to swell a week before his heart attack this past April AND.. the fact that feet and ankle swelling can have everything to do with heart disease ie: blockages. Tomorrow I will make an appointment with our family doctor to have blood work run on his liver and kidneys as he’s on a ton of pills for his back pain (9 back surgeries will do that) plus pills for his heart and I will also request an EKG.. I am not letting this go. I am like a rabid dog when it comes to my husbands health (I wish I were that way with my own) and I am not letting this go until I have a concrete answer. I don’t care how many enemies I make in the process. 

As you can imagine this is taking a deep toll on me. I am so incredibly wear in every way. Physically, emotionally, spiritually.

My own health has not been good for 26 years and all of this since April I believe, is finally getting to my body. I am sleeping so much that it’s beginning to concern me and the thought of doing the simplest thing like talking to people some days just seems too exhausting to even try. Not to mention that my brain is constantly going at mach speed trying to figure this all out to the point that I can’t concentrate on any one thing for more than five minutes. The fact that I am even able to sit long enough to write this post is amazing in itself.. 

Until next time..

 

Life Updates & Ramblings

As most of you know we got hit pretty good here in the Myrtle Beach SC area from Hurricane Matthew.  Being without electricity for four days sure gave me a real good appreciation for light. The days weren’t so bad but it was when that sun would go down and everything was absolutely pitch black that by the third night it was seriously starting to get to my brain. We had some damage to our home but nothing too serious and I believe we are very blessed. 

The river near my home is and has been flooding all week long. There are towns in my county that are and have completely disappeared because they are totally underwater.. Here’s some photos..

So when you I look at these photos and I think about everything that has been lost I feel doubly blessed that we had some minor damage that we have insurance for. 

My husbands feet and ankles began to swell a month ago after being put on yet another statin to try. These are drugs for lowering cholesterol if you didn’t know that. He’s had trouble in the past few months with this reaction to other statins but they wanted to try one more. This time it was Crestor and it’s been pure hell since. I’ve have since been learning a lot about this class of drugs and they are killers. Back to my husband. His cardiologist put him on water pills last week and they have begun to help and I can finally see his feet again but that doesn’t answer why the swelling is there to begin with. When his feet swelled the last time, once the statin was removed the fluid went away. This time, it didn’t and it only continued to get worse. 

Friday found us at a medical imaging place to make sure he didn’t have a blood clot in the right leg as the right foot swelled much more than the left and keeps turning red. The radiologist at the ultra sound thought he saw something but wasn’t sure so they sent us straight over to the medical center so the vascular team could look. They said there’s nothing wrong. We are back to the drawing board.

The cardiologist keeps saying it doesn’t have anything to do with his heart which I find completely mind boggling considering the fact that my husbands feet first began to swell a week before his heart attack this past April AND.. the fact that feet and ankle swelling can have everything to do with heart disease ie: blockages. Tomorrow I will make an appointment with our family doctor to have blood work run on his liver and kidneys as he’s on a ton of pills for his back pain (9 back surgeries will do that) plus pills for his heart and I will also request an EKG.. I am not letting this go. I am like a rabid dog when it comes to my husbands health (I wish I were that way with my own) and I am not letting this go until I have a concrete answer. I don’t care how many enemies I make in the process. 

As you can imagine this is taking a deep toll on me. I am so incredibly wear in every way. Physically, emotionally, spiritually.

My own health has not been good for 26 years and all of this since April I believe, is finally getting to my body. I am sleeping so much that it’s beginning to concern me and the thought of doing the simplest thing like talking to people some days just seems too exhausting to even try. Not to mention that my brain is constantly going at mach speed trying to figure this all out to the point that I can’t concentrate on any one thing for more than five minutes. The fact that I am even able to sit long enough to write this post is amazing in itself.. 

Until next time..

 

Can We Say…..Heartbreak?

 I Knowwwww this is supposed to be Wordless Wednesday but some Wednesday’s there’s something to talk about….

Yep, I know this post may seem kind of shallow but it is what it is..So I will begin…

I am not and have never been one of those crazy fan girl types that goes gaga over musicians, movie stars etc…

Put it this way.. it takes A LOT to impress me!  But I have to admit that when it comes to Scott Stapp formerly the voice of the band Creed I am … a crazy fan girl but not for the usual reasons…Okay, let’s get this right out of the way now….

 

Yes, even after all these years I still think Scott is about as hot as they come.. He’s just such a…..MAN…. in every sense of the word.. (yep, teeth are sweating)

But, putting looks aside what I admire about him most is his heart and soul which he wears on his sleeve and it spills out into the lyrics in his music. Also his amazing talent for singing and song writing. Yah, don’t get me started on his talent or we’ll be here for a year…. Scott Stapp has been through a lifetime of tragedy which he didn’t even understand was tragedy. The chaos that was his life was what he ‘thought’ was normal until about a little more than year ago when he had a mental break with reality which was tragic to watch and played for the whole world to see on social media. 

His wife filed for divorce, his son was begging him on social media to get help and Scott was having horrible mental delusions and making videos about them which he would post to his facebook account… God stepped in by way of his family and friends and after a lifetime of unexplained chaos, Scott was finally diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder. He entered treatment and was put on the correct medication and suddenly Scott seemed to begin living life for the first time. He now has his life for the first time with clarity, his wife and children are by his side and he’s touring solo and doing damn good I might add which, is no real surprise considering Scott has one of those voices you would know anywhere and his Creed fans have followed through with him.. One of those fans is myself.. 

Why am I heartbroken? Well, Scott Stapp performed live at The Boat House In Myrtle Beach which is only about 35 Minutes and I wanted to go and meet him something terrible.. I have never wanted to meet someone famous so much in all my life but, the tickets to do that were $175.00 and with all the medical bills from Toby’s hip surgery we didn’t have the money. So Stapp was 35 minutes from me and I couldn’t meet him. 

I know this is first world problems but I live in the first world and yes….. Im heartbroken..

 

 

New Bouncing Baby Boy

I bet you thought I was going to tell you I was pregnant didn’t you? Well dear friends, unless I am to be the second Immaculate Conception, (which just, NO) it ain’t gonna happen but.. It is a bouncing baby boy! A four legged bouncing baby boy. This is Alvin..

Alvin was given to us by our vet because they knew we would care for him. At first, Lou and I said no very strongly.. We have enough dogs, I just lost my beloved Bailey in May, I didn’t think I was ready for another dog let alone a fifteen week old six pound baby puppy and we can’t afford it.. Well, with much conjoling and promises made to us we broke and took him home. 

Alvin is a Chihuahua Terrier mix. Eventually we will have a DNA test run to see exactly what he is mixed with. He’s getting along wonderfully with Toby and Sarah. No surprise there considering Toby and Sarah are only 10 months old themselves but I was a little taken aback at how nicely they play with him being that he’s only six pounds and they are seventy-two pounds a piece. Sarah can get a little rough here and there so we need to watch but Toby is just a gentle mushy giant..

How did we chose his name? Well, this little one went through two names before we finally settled on Alvin. At first I named his Atticus after my favorite literary hero, Atticus Finch from “To Kill A Mockingbird” but it just wasn’t rolling off the tongue well. Then, after watching him play with the bigger dogs I kept calling him “Arturo” because he reminded me of a six pound bull in a china shop and then it hit me. He has this black stripe that goes down his back and from behind he almost reminds me of a chipmunk and, he doesn’t listen very well and I thought.. Alvin! Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks! That Alvin didn’t listen very well and was always getting in trouble and so is this one. So, Alvin it is….He fits in nicely with us :).

 

 

Resetting??? My Clock Part II #*(%%#$

Yep.. Thats pretty much what it’s looked like. Every once in a while for only a little space in time I forget that I have been ill for over twenty five years and my body doesn’t work like those who are healthy. I get these ideas like, the whole trying to reset my body clock and think to myself, “this is gonna be great. I’ll have so much more time to do things. I won’t be as tired. I’ll finally be on a good sleep schedule” and the list goes on.

Then…..reality comes along and slaps me upside the head and reminds me that my body doesn’t ever do as I wish it to. It does as it pleases. Kind of like a hormonal fourteen year old girl. Its pissing and moaning one minute, sweet as pie the next and before you know, looking to rip your head off. 

I did try on Monday. I went to bed Sunday night at my usual time, Eleven – Thirty Pm or there abouts but I forced myself to get up at Five – Thirty AM and stay up. HUGE mistake for me. In the afternoon, I take a nap every afternoon. Yeah Im not really OLD I just NEED one every day! Anywho, I forced myself to only sleep in the afternoon for an hour. Second huge mistake. By Seven – Thirty on Monday evening I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open but my body was so wired from the lack of sleep my muscles  would not let me sleep!. I suffered all night feeling like I had been hit by a bus until midnight when my body finally decided it would allow me to go to bed. 

Then I thought well Okay, this is clearly not going to work. Maybe I should do what I do best and allow my body to tell me what it’s going to do. Wouldn’t you know Tuesday night about Ten PM I closed my eyes for what I thought was like five minutes. Then next thing I knew it was 5:00 AM!….Is it possible my body is going to allow me this one small thing to be in my control? Could it be? I don’t trust the SOB! It always dangles things in front of me only to snatch it away again but I am going to do what I did Tuesday afternoon. Im going to take my two and a half hour nap and see what time I fall asleep tonight. Maybe this reverse psychology will work on my body? I”ll let you know!.

Resetting My Inner Clock

Today is the first day of me trying to reset my inner clock. For so many years I was on such a rigid schedule because of Baileys physical and medical needs that it became second nature…….most of the time anyway…Having lost my Bailey a week ago I then tried having no schedule and I have to admit for most of the week it was nice to be able to stay in bed until 9am every day but by last night I realized I am no good without some kind of schedule. I am just one of those people who needs routine in their life. Thats when I decided it was time to try and reset my inner clock although, not with such a rigid schedule as I had as with Bailey but a structured day. This leads me into something else that has to do with a structured day. 

For a long time I have been attracted to the life of a Carmelite, specifically discalced Carmelites. Whats that you’re wondering? Simply put, they are Nuns. Cloistered Carmelite Nuns who don’t wear shoes. May sound odd to some but you can check them out here and understand more.  A Carmelite cloistered nun spends her life in prayer. Of course not just prayer but the majority of it and she does this inside a cloister. Giving up the outside world. She lives behind the walls. The thing is I know for a fact now ( I actually didn’t know for sure until recently) that I am not called to be a cloistered nun. My calling in this life is to be a wife but that doesn’t mean I can not practice Carmelite spirituality etc. I am also attracted to the daily life of a Carmelite. If you go to their website and click on Our Daily Life you can see exactly how they spend each hour of every day. Its a structure that I would like to somehow incorporate in my daily life as much as my station in life (being a wife) will allow.  And that begins with resetting my internal clock also known as, early to bed, early to rise. Today was day one and yes it’s been a struggle to stay awake. I had my lights out by 1130 last evening, still too late but its a start and I was up by 5:30 am this morning.  I seriously had to force myself to stay up.

I did however take a nap for approximately an hour and maybe ten minutes this afternoon. Much shorter than what I am used too which is like two and a half hour naps during the day but I did it.. It’s now 7:30 PM EST and I kind of look like this at the moment trying to keep popping my eyes open.

Wish me Luck!

If anyone would like to know about this please let me know in the comments! 

 

Grief & Consolation

For those who don’t watch my YouTube videos then you don’t know that I had a major loss on Friday. I had to put my Bailey to sleep. Bailey was 15 1/2 years old. He was diabetic and also had a tad bit of Parkinson’s but, he was holding his own for the longest time between tons of love and good medical care. Although I knew the day would come I would have to say good bye, the way it happened was completely unexpected and to be honest, I can’t talk about it right now because it’s still so raw. What I can say is, Bailey was my heart. Bailey was the child I could never have. I loved him more than anything in the world and there was nothing I didn’t do or wouldn’t have done for him. In my life, Bailey came first. Always. He deserved all that and more for the enormous amount of love he always gave me. My heart is broken. I don’t know when, if ever it will heal. Only the Lord knows and only the Lord can heal it. For now, I am heart broken and I miss my baby more than I ever thought I could. 

Through the deep grief I am feeling right now one thing is constant and that is God. He has so mercifully sent me consolation today in the midst of my pain. Today is Monday May 16th exactly one month to the day that my husband had a heart attack. Today was also his first follow up with the cardiologist who saved his life that day. Over the past four weeks I have been a bundle of nerves. Worry, anxiety, stress, overwhelm. You name it, it was hitting me and then… I lost my Bailey which for me was the proverbial icing on the cake. I was nervous while we were waiting to see the doctor this morning. Not sure what he was going to say. In comes God and gives me consolation through all of this. 

My husbands heart was minimally damaged, the rest of his arteries look good with the exception of some small ones down below the heart that have small blockages but we are working towards cleaning those out through diet and medication. The doctor is very pleased with Lou’s diet over the last four weeks which has changed dramatically. In another four weeks he is going to be allowed to start rebuilding our deck. The doctor is pleased that he is walking as he should. He took an EKG while in the office today and he told us it was very good. Then he told me something that completely floored me.

My husband was telling the doctor that he had been feeling massive heart burn, some pain which he thought was indigestion for three days before he had the heart attack. THREE DAYS! The doctor then said “well let me tell you what was happening for those three days. Your artery was opening and closing the entire time” So I said to my husband on the way home, lets just think about what he said.. Your artery was clogged so much to the point you had a heart attack  BUT, for THREE DAYS God allowed that artery to keep opening back up and allowing enough blood flow through so that you didn’t drop dead at home from a massive heart attack”.. How many people get a chance like that? God in all His mercy allowed you to live and not only did He allow you to live, He made sure it didn’t happen at home, He made sure it happened while you were in a capable emergency room, He made sure you had enough time to be transported to another hospital, He made sure you had enough time to be brought straight into surgery and He gave you a phenomenal surgeon who saved your life and He made sure there was minimal to no damage to your heart… GOD IS MERCIFUL! And then today He again bestowed His mercy on us once more with such a good first follow up.  

No matter how undeserving we should all know we are of any of Gods blessings, because He IS love, He bestows His love and mercy upon us still..